Before I get back to
my study, I would like to have a little writing.
We have tests in this
week and the following week. Frankly, I wasn't doing that good. I kind of
feeling sucks when you know you study damn hard and when the test comes, you
aren't doing well. I don’t like that feeling. I do doubt myself for being
stupid or my ability started to decrease? I spend so much time on my study and
when the tests come, I don’t do well on it. Imagine you spend most of your time
study and revision, it doesn't pay much off on what you doing, that feeling is
really a disaster.
I sit for my
electrical test last Wednesday. I don’t have a strong base on electric since I’m
not taking A-Level before. A-Level students always make me feel stress because
they know more than you, and I feel somehow not belong with them because they
know so much more than me. I don’t like electric partly because it’s
complicated for me and partly because I don’t have the interest with it. I just
not bond with electric. I try my best to study and do my revision on my
electric subject, yet I did badly in my tests. I do blame myself for disliking
electric, because once I dislike, I will dislike forever. Well, I guess I need
to change my attitude. My friends helped me a lot in my electric. I feel troublesome
for disturbing them by asking questions to them. But, they do help me to
understand how it works. I considered as last minutes study for my electric
tests, so I expect I’m not doing that well. But, electric seems interesting
when you started to understand them little by little. Well, electric students
are great as they find interesting in such complicated circuits that they need
to know and understand. Hmm… I will try my best in my semester 2. Not giving
up.
I do love math because
you have unlimited solutions to solve and you will figure out something new. i
do enjoy calculating and solving problems, but for this time, I doubt myself. When
I get the question papers, I try my best to do on time. But, I failed. I blank
8 questions and others I don’t even know whether the answers are correct or
not. I don’t have enough time to finish up my papers. I skip the questions if I
don’t know how to do. This time, I doubt myself. Am I that bad in mathematics? You
see, I spend so much time in learning mathematics and doing exercises, but in
the end, I don’t get what I learn. There’s contrast between what I learn and
what the questions come out. Most of the questions I can’t get the answers I want.
Probably because I don’t know how to do or probably I calculated wrong. I do
get panic when end time is coming soon, very soon. Conclusion, I did sucks in
my mathematics tests.
Another will be
computing. I don’t have a strong base for sure and I kind of like don’t like
programming since the start. Programming seems interesting because you write
code and so on. I feel that being a programmer is so great because they need to
study and know how to solve those codes and write a new code for certain
things. I don’t do well in my computing. I’m having the exam on Monday, I have
no idea how am I going to do in my exam. During the last mock test, I don’t even
know how to do one questions. That’s sucks. I try to do but I get another
answer than the correct one. Oh my gosh! I started to worry. No, I worry this
day will come since the beginning. I should have spent more time in computing. Too
bad. I think it’s too late ;C well, I better revise hard in order for me to do
at least one questions? Oh gosh, I can’t see my future in my coming exam… what
should I do. Nervous yet scared. Insecure shit.
I am kind of worry
because this is just 3 months’ time. Yet, I already faced these shit things in
my life. I started to doubt myself although I can’t do so. I do doubt, started
to doubt. May be I need work extra harder to understand the fundamental or any
shit which I completely don’t know. What’s the problem now? I have no idea. Why
can my friends so smart and they can like know everything? May be they are born
to be genius. I’m not. I feel worry. But, I know I can’t be.
Choosing this course I
expect to be challenging. Since I already know what am I doing here, I need to
have the faith to complete this course with good results may be. I really do
hope I can get good marks here. I don’t want to let my parents down. They are
very supportive to me and I don’t want to let them down. I know what kind of
life I want. Life isn't easy, if you have faith and strong enough, I believe I can
deal with these shits. Yes. I can do it although it’s hard… sad life. I choose
to give in my time on my study and my life, so I must have no regrets. Be strong
Jerene, you can deal with this. I know you will.
Whenever my mum called
me, I will tell her I’m doing fine, but in fact, I’m not. I just don’t want
them to worry me as they have their own busy life to deal with. I always try to
solve it within myself than sharing with other people or asking others for help
with my own personal things. I got to be independent in many ways. Just hope
that everything will go smoothly as I wish, I know it wouldn't, but try to be. Well,
life… (my friend always says that… )
Smile. Be strong.
Good Luck,
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